


Domus

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-05
Updated: 2003-10-21
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:25:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Alternative outcome to Justin having fled to New York with Brian's credit card.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian made is way to the bar pushing through the throngs of writhing bodies. He ordered a beer and leaned on a stool as he took a long swig. His attention was on the dance floor looking for an evening trick.

He had been in New York City for four days. Ryder sent him up to woo a potential client. The meetings had gone well, exceptionally well and the client had signed a three-year deal with the agency.

He was due to head home in the morning, and was determined to enjoy one more Big Apple fuck. He continued to scan the room. His eyes landed on a blond head, belonging to a slightly shorter than average man. He took a final gulp from the bottle, put it on the bar, and pushed away towards his target.

There was something familiar about the blond head, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. He continued to weave his way through the dancing crowd. As he got closer, he realized what was familiar. The man reminded him of Justin. He smiled slightly, before a sense of sadness took over.

It had been seven months since he had seen Justin, since anyone in their Liberty Avenue family had seen him. After Brian discovered that Justin had taken his credit card and left for New York, he called the police and they tracked down where the card was being used. Though he argued against it, he was tempted to undertake the road trip that Deb had encouraged; instead, he opted to teach Justin a lesson and let the police pick him up. No one had heard from the teen since. A week later a registered package had arrived with Brian's credit card in it. When anyone attempted to follow up on what happened with Justin they were given the run around.

Brian tried to clear his head as he continued to close the distance between himself and the trick. He decided that there was definitely something familiar about this person.

Brian finally stood before the man in question and looked down at him. The blond was leaning against a wall, and was looking at the floor.

"Hey," Brian said with a smile.

No response.

Brian slowly reached a hand down and lifted the smaller man's head up. When he saw the face he tensed, not knowing for sure what he should... or would do.

"Justin?" Brian asked; smile no longer on his face.

Again, there was no response.

"Justin Taylor!" Brian said, not knowing why he used the man's last name, he knew who it was.

Still the teen looked anywhere but into Brian's eyes. Brian stood back a bit and assessed the younger man. The right side of his face was covered with a large black and blue mark, he looked thin, too thin, and he was shaking.

"Shit! Justin! It's me, Brian!" Brian said as he put both hands onto Justin's shoulders.

Still there was no recognition from the blond. Brian wrapped an arm around the shorter man's waist and gave him a slight tug. They navigated through the club and out onto the street. Brian's hotel was two blocks away; he started to move them in that direction.

Once inside the large suite Brian turned to Justin. "Justin, can you hear me?"

Justin finally seemed to notice that someone was talking to him; he lifted his head and focused on the voice. Recognition spread across his face, "B...Bri...Brian?" He finally managed.

"Yeah, Justin, can you hear me?"

Justin just nodded.

Brian stood for a moment not knowing what to do. He had so many questions: Where have you been? Why didn't you come home? Why is your face bruised? Why are you so thin? Why didn't you let someone, anyone, know that you were still alive?

"Justin? Are you okay?" Brian asked, putting aside the other questions for the time being.

Justin didn't respond. He didn't move. He continued to look down at the floor.

"Jesus Christ Justin, please, look at me! Answer me!" Brian was starting to get worked up.

Justin didn't say anything, but he flinched slightly at the taller man's raised and excited voice.

Brian saw the reaction, "It's okay Justin, just calm down. Are you hungry?"

Justin shook his head no.

"Tired?"

The teen nodded an affirmative.

"Want to rest for a while?" Brian asked as he gently moved them further into the suite.

Justin gave another affirmative nod.

"Okay, come on, we'll get you in bed." Brian gently tugged the young man towards the bedroom.

Once inside, he maneuvered Justin to the bed, laid him down, and pulled a blanket over him. Brian decided to leave the bed for Justin, even though there was more than enough room for both of them. Instead, he took a chair in the corner. He gave another look at the teen. It was Justin, he was sure of it, but at the same time he also knew this wasn't the Justin he remembered... this wasn't his Justin. 

Brian stared through the darkened room at the figure that was lying on the bed. He knew that he had feelings for the boy. He didn't know how to label them or describe them, but they were there.

Brian decided to close his eyes for a few minutes... moments later he was asleep.

XXXXX

Brian woke with a stiff back, "Shit," He mumbled as he stood and stretched, trying to rid the knots that had appeared while he slept. He looked over to the empty bed and recalled why he was in the chair.

"Justin?" He asked as he made his way out of the bedroom and into the living room. Nobody was there. Brian raked a hand through his hair, not knowing what to do next. Then he noticed a light coming from the half bathroom near the entry.

He walked over to the door and gently knocked on it, "Justin?"

There was no response, but he did hear the sink running. He pursed his lips for a minute and then decided to get them some breakfast. He picked up the phone, pushed the button for room service, and ordered.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, "Room service."

Brian unlocked the door and let the attendant in. "On the table," Brian said as he motioned to the table that was off to one side.

The attendant sat the tray down, unloaded it and turned to Brian, "Anything else sir?"

"No, that's good, thanks." Brian signed the slip, handed the man a ten, and walked him out. Brian paused for a moment and then decided to lock the door, and use the chain; he wanted an obstacle in case Justin decided to run. He wasn't sure why the teen would, but he wanted to make certain...

Brian turned to head back towards the table, passing the bathroom he heard the water turn off. He knocked again on the door, "Justin, I ordered us breakfast. Come on out."

There was no response - a few moments later the door opened and Justin, in the same clothes that he had on the previous night, came out.

"Hungry?" Brian quietly asked.

Justin nodded yes.

"Come on," Brian said as he walked over to the table and took a seat.

The teen paused for a few moments, not quite sure what he should do. He glanced towards the table and saw that Brian had sat down, was looking at him, and waiting for him to come over. Their eyes locked for a second, Justin quickly broke away and looked back down to the floor.

"Justin, come eat."

Without a word, Justin took a seat as far from Brian as he could. He picked up the juice glass in front of him and downed it one long gulp.

Brian watched the juice quickly disappear, and then took a drink of his own. He looked to the teen and saw him sitting there, not eating, just staring at the table. "Aren't you going to have anything to eat? You've got to be hungry."

Justin didn't respond. Brian frowned, and picked up a small plate and put a muffin and some fruit slices on it, "Here, eat this."

Justin didn't look up, but did as he was told. Brian frowned again wondering when Justin started to follow orders, to do what he was told. No, this wasn't his Justin.

They finished their breakfast in silence.

After most of the food was gone Brian looked to the clock, he needed to get ready. His flight was in three hours. "Justin, I need to pack, I'm going home today."

There was no response.

"Why haven't you called? Why haven't you let anyone know you were here?" Brian asked as he stood and loaded their dishes back onto the room service tray.

Justin didn't move or acknowledge the question.

"Where have you been staying?" Brian tried again.

Justin fidgeted in the chair.

"Who hurt you Justin?" Brian asked as he looked at the blond's bruised face.

Justin stood and walked towards the door. "I'll leave so you can go home," he whispered.

"Whoa!" Brian almost shouted causing Justin to jump and then pause in place. "I haven't seen or heard from you in seven months, no one has... and... you're just going to leave? Fuck that! I want an explanation now!" Brian was pissed, but he tried to control his anger he could see the effect that it was having on the teen.

Justin didn't respond.

Brian moved over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder; Justin flinched and let out a small whimper. Brian pulled back and quietly said, "Justin, please. Tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong," Justin said.

"Don't lie to me Justin."

"Brian, please, just go home. You have your life, so just go home." Justin whispered.

"No. You are coming with me." Brian said as he turned to the phone, picked it up, and dialed the airline's reservation number.

Justin turned towards him but didn't make eye contact, "I'm not going back."

"Yes, you are. That's final." Brian said.

Justin's shoulders sagged even more in defeat. He realized that he didn't have a choice in this matter, unless he made a run for it at some point. Of course, that would only make Brian angrier with him. He listened as Brian spoke to the person on the other end of the phone, he heard the words, but he wasn't making them out.

Brian put the phone down and turned around, "Okay, the flights the rest of the day are booked solid, but I got us on the first flight out tomorrow morning." He turned and picked up the phone again, "This is Mr. Kinney in suite 11, I am going to be staying for an additional night, is that a problem? Okay... good... yeah...that's right. Okay, thanks." He hung up the phone and refocused his gaze on Justin.

He took a step towards the teen and reached his hand up to his face. Justin jumped back and flinched.

"Christ Justin, what is wrong with you?" Brian shouted.

Justin couldn't handle it anymore, he knew Brian was pissed at him, but this was too much, Brian was starting to sound like... the others. Justin started to sob; he pulled his lower lip into his mouth to try to keep quiet.

Brian stood there watching the younger man, "Justin?"

Justin sniffled, "I'm tired can I rest please?"

Brian contemplated if he should push for answers but at this point Justin was pretty much out of it, so he figured it would be better to let him rest, "Yeah, Justin, go into the bedroom and sleep for a while. I'll be out here if you need anything."

Justin didn't respond; he just walked towards the bedroom.

Brian sighed and sat down on the couch.

***

A few hours later, the bedroom door opened and Justin came out. Brian picked up the remote, turned the TV off, and asked, "Are you feeling better?"

Justin was looking at the floor but he nodded. He stood outside the bedroom door waiting, not knowing what to do next.

"Come over here and sit down." Brian said gently.

Justin complied; he took a chair near the windows, again trying to keep as much space between himself and the older man as he could.

"Look at me Justin." Brian commanded.

Justin again obeyed, and looked up, and into Brian's face. A shiver ran through his body when he saw the anger in Brian's features.

There was a long pause; Brian wasn't sure where to start. "Well, where have you been Justin?"

"Here."

"New York?" Brian asked.

Justin nodded.

"Why?"

Justin shrugged.

"What happened to your face?"

"Nothing," Justin whispered returning his gaze to the floor.

"Why didn't you let anyone know you were here Justin?"

Justin answered silently with another shrug.

"That isn't an answer!" Brian nearly yelled.

A shiver ran through the blond.

"Sorry," Brian said softly chastising himself for the outburst.

Justin wrapped his arms around his chest trying to make himself smaller in the chair.  
"Everyone has missed you Justin...I've missed you." Brian said.

Justin let out a little scoff, it was barely audible, "Sure Brian."

"I have Justin." Brian said with total sincerity.

Justin heard the honesty and looked up briefly. Brian smiled slightly, but Justin averted his gaze again.

"So, are you going to tell me why you are here in New York and why we have not heard anything from you?" Brian tried again.

Justin pulled his lower lip into his mouth and contemplated for a moment, not knowing whether he should be honest or not. "I uh...I couldn't come back after what I did."

"Why?"

"Because I knew you were angry with me, I knew that everyone else was disappointed, and they..." he stopped.

"What? Go on," Brian encouraged.

"Uh... they... the police... said that you didn't want to see me... that you told them..." His eyes teared up, "They said that you didn't care what they did with me."

"The police did?" Brian asked with bewilderment.

Justin nodded.

"That wasn't true Justin, I did... I do care." Brian said defiantly.

Justin shrugged, "It doesn't matter."

"Fuck that! It does matter Justin. I didn't hear what happened to you... they just told me you were released and I got my card back in the mail."

Justin didn't say anything.

"I mean I told them when they called to lock you up, I wanted to scare the shit out of you so you wouldn't pull a stunt like this again, but...."

Justin looked up with complete shock, "You told them to do this to me Brian?"

"Well...I...no, I did tell them to lock you up until we could get here, but..." Brian trailed off a bit confused by the teen's reaction. They had eventually decided in favor of the road trip - but were going to give him a few days to stew and contemplate his actions.

Justin's look of shock changed to one of total betrayal, "How could you let them do this to me Brian?" He started to sob.

Brian was wholly confused at this point; sure jail wasn't a place anyone wanted to go, but at least he would have been safe there until they picked him up. "Justin..."

Justin stood up and walked to the door, he started to undo the chain. Before he could reach for the handle Brian had come up behind him, "Justin no, you aren't leaving."

"Fuck you Brian! I'm eighteen! I'm an adult! I don't need you telling me what I can or can't do! Fuck you!" Justin shouted.

"Justin calm down," Brian said more than a little surprised at the vehemence Justin was directing at him.

"Fuck off! I am tired of being ordered around. I know you and the rest just think I am some stupid little twink Brian, but I do have a fucking brain. I can think for myself. Make decisions for myself." Justin yelled.

Brian took a deep breath, "Justin, no one thinks that about you."

Justin laughed, "What fucking planet have you been living on?"

"Look, okay, so we might think you are a twink," Brian quipped in an effort to lighten the mood. "But no one thinks you're stupid." 

"Right!"

"We know you are smart, and you can think for yourself... we just..." He decided to change tactics and started again, "It's hard when so many people care... everyone tries to butt in, and they can... make a mess out of things."

Justin looked like he was ready to go on the offensive again but didn't; he slid down the door and landed on his knees, he pulled them up to his chest.

It was obvious to Brian that there was something else going on, something more than he knew, "Justin, what aren't you telling me?"

Justin took a moment to compose himself. "The cops told me you didn't care what they did with me," Justin said as he looked up at Brian. They told me that you dropped the charges and in return I was supposed to stay away from Pittsburgh... away from you... and everyone else."

"We didn't know you were released." Brian said as he kneeled next to Justin. "They were supposed to hold on to you for a few days... we were planning a road trip to come and get you."

"When they let me out I didn't know what to do. I was scared... there was a cop named Jimmy who had been nice to me while I was there. He brought me some junk food and snuck it in a couple times, and he'd talk to me." Justin scoffed a bit, "He offered me a place to stay."

"Justin, I didn't say any of that."

"After the first week, Jimmy, uh... he started to change, he wasn't as nice as he had been, he uhm... he told me I could pay my way...uh..." Justin couldn't go on.

"Did he hurt you Justin?" Brian asked softly as the realization struck home.

"Yeah...and he... arranged...uhm... for others to..." Justin was shaking and starting to look like a caged animal.

"Others hurt you to?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Justin nodded.

"Shit, Justin, you have got to know that I wouldn't let anyone do that to you. I..." He stopped not knowing what else to say.

Justin stood, "But you told them to Brian."

"No I didn't. I mean, yes, yes, they were supposed to keep you at the station until we got you but, fuck, of course I didn't tell them to hurt you."

"But you didn't want to see me again."

Brian sighed, "No, that isn't true either. I was pissed; pissed that you didn't follow the rules and my place was robbed, but more pissed that you ran away."

"I didn't run away Brian, you threw me out." Justin whispered.

"Well, not really, I was just angry... I didn't mean it." Brian said as he ran a hand through his hair.

"You threw me out Brian," Justin said again.

"Well, I suppose technically, but I would have calmed down in a few days and you could have come home." Brian stood up and turned to look away.

Justin misinterpreted the movement, "See, you can't even stand to look at me now."

Brian spun around, "That isn't true Justin, and I just... fuck! I don't know what to do. How could anyone do that to you?"

Justin just shrugged.

"Come here." Brian said as he held a hand out.

Justin looked at the hand for a minute and wiped away some of the tears on his shirtsleeve before accepting the offering. Brian slowly pulled Justin up and into a hug. The teen was hesitant but finally gave in and allowed Brian's caring arms to embrace him.

"I have missed you Justin, I really have."

Justin didn't speak but his sniffling was audible.

Brian pulled away and looked down into the younger man's face. He reached up and gently stroked the black and blue mark that covered the right side of Justin's face. Justin's eyes closed and he slowly leaned his head into Brian's touch.

"I...I'm sorry about your loft Brian...and the credit card... I didn't mean to make such a mess of everything. I'm sorry." Justin said as he continued to nuzzle his face gently against Brian's opened palm.

"Shhhh... don't worry about any of that now Justin. It is done and over with. I know you didn't mean for it to happen."

"But you lost all your clothes... and everything else; I know how important your clothes are to you Brian."

"Fuck Justin!" Justin froze at the change in Brian's demeanor - he opened his eyes to stare at the taller man, not knowing what to expect next. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell." Brian said. "The clothes got replaced, they weren't as important as..." Brian trailed off.

"As what?" Justin prodded; he had already closed his eyes and continued his movements against Brian's hand.

"As you," Brian quietly admitted.

Justin stood back, eyes opened wide in surprise, "Do you mean that?"

"Yeah, I do. You know, Debbie may have given you the nickname but you are my Sunshine, I mean that. You have shown me things, helped me through things that I never thought I would want or experience."

Justin's eyes were again filled with tears, but for the first time in 7 months, they weren't from pain. "Really?"

Brian smiled and nodded.

"What's going to happen to me Brian?" Justin asked.

"What do you mean? You are coming home with me tomorrow and that is final."

"I can't... Jimmy will be pissed, and he gets really...angry when..." Justin silenced as he returned his gaze to the floor.

"Justin, Jimmy won't hurt you again. I won't allow it. You are coming back with me. You are coming back to your life, your friends, your family, and me."

"Brian, do you really want me to come back or are you feeling guilty?"

"I'm Brian Kinney, I don't do guilt," He said as he smiled down at Justin.

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian's chest, "Can we eat?"

Brian laughed, "Yeah, come on; let's look the room service menu over."

***

They sat at the table with several plates arrayed in front of them. Brian sat in amazement as he watched Justin eat. He was certain that he had never seen anyone eat as much as the young man before him. “Did that fucker not feed you Justin?”

Justin shrugged and answered around a mouth full of spring roll, “Sometimes.” He said in a matter of fact tone.

“What did you do for food?” Brian asked.

“Some of the guys weren’t total dicks, some would feed me.”

“What about the rest of the time?”

“I just dealt with it.” Justin said as he focused on some grilled chicken.

Brian realized that Justin was more focused on food than on conversation, he decided he might be able to get some straight answers out of him now. “So Jimmy arranged... dates for you?”

“Yeah, the guys would pay Jimmy; he’d send me to wherever they wanted me.”

Brian frowned. “And what did the guys want?”

“Oh you know,” Justin started as he buttered another slice of bread, “Stuff.”

“Like what?” Brian pressed.

“Some of them liked me to dress up... usually like a school kid... one guy liked that a lot, Warren. He was the nicest of any of them. He was always easy, never hurt me, he even gave me some money, and told me to get something to eat.”

“I see,” Brian said though he wasn’t nearly as calm as he was acting. He wanted to hunt Jimmy down and castrate him, then do the same to each trick that had even looked at Justin.

Justin reached for a small plate with steamed vegetables on it and started to eat. “Other guys liked rough stuff; they would do things to me... I dunno, I guess seeing someone in pain and hearing them scream got them off. Some of the guys liked to... liked to make me cry...” Justin trailed off and then looked up. He realized that he had been talking – maybe talking too much - while eating and his face went white as he realized what he was saying.

Brian stared into the bright blue eyes that were looking at him. “It’s okay Justin, you can tell me.”

Justin moved his gaze back to the steamed vegetables but he had lost his appetite for them, he just pushed them around with the fork. “I didn’t want them... any of them to touch me Brian... you do know that right? I mean I didn’t go out looking for these guys.”

“I know you didn’t Justin. Jimmy is to blame. Period.”

“I always made sure they used condoms,” Justin said.

“Good boy.” Brian said with a nod.

“Though... I think... never mind,” Justin stopped mid sentence, moved the plate of vegetables away, and pulled a piece of cheesecake in front of him.

“What? Tell me.” Brian said.

“Well, I think Jimmy could have gotten more from the guys... at least some of them... you know, without the condoms.”

“I am glad you didn’t let that happen.” Brian was genuinely pleased that they boy had protected himself in this way.

Brian sat silently as he watched Justin finish his dessert. Finally, when he was satiated Justin wiped his mouth and sat back in the chair. “Thank you for dinner.”

Brian scoffed, “Justin you don’t have to thank me for fucking food.”

Justin seemed to get unsure of himself, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Brian said not wanting to make the teen feel any worse. “Are you tired?”

“Yeah,” Justin said as he stifled a yawn.

“So where have you been sleeping?”

“Jimmy’s.”

Brian nodded.

“I think he liked to have a convenient fuck around.” Justin said as he took a gulp of water. He paused a moment realizing that he had often said similar things about Brian. “Uh...Brian, I didn’t mean...”

“Justin...”

Justin interrupted, “Shit! Please don’t get mad at me Brian, I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry...”

“Justin!” Brian said as the blond quieted down. “I’m not angry at you, I’ll never be angry at you when you are truthful, even if it hurts, but in this case I know you are right. I have been a total ass to you.”

“That isn’t true Brian, you just...”

“It is true; I have treated you like shit. Don’t argue with me about it.”

Justin let loose a small grin and nodded. “Anyhow, he liked having me around. He worked some odd hours and I guess he didn’t want to have to go searching for it all the time.”

Brian sat dumbfounded as he listened. “You should have left him Justin.”

Justin looked away from Brian and to the floor, he started to tremble slightly, “I did...once...”

“And?” Brian pressed.

“Some of his cop buddies found me; they arrested me and dropped me off in jail for a week.” Justin shrugged, “Jimmy finally came and got me. He told me...uh... he said that if I... did it again, that he would...” Justin’s eyes got slightly teary, “He’d make sure that I disappeared for good.”

Brian absorbed this information, stood and walked over to where Justin was seated. He lifted the teen and embraced him, “I am so sorry Justin.”

Justin mumbled through the cries, “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t matter... and yes... this is partially my fault, I shouldn’t have kicked you out. The loft was your home. It still is.”

Justin calmed and enjoyed Brian’s closeness.

Brian rubbed his left hand over Justin’s neck to soothe the teen, “Are you tired?”

Justin nodded.

“Come on, let’s get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow.” He started to lead Justin towards the bedroom.

“Uh...no...” Justin planted his feet.

“What?” Brian asked.

“I uh... uhm...”

Brian realized what was bothering Justin, “Listen to me. We won’t do anything until you are ready, okay? You let me know what and when. That is your decision.”

Justin smiled slightly and nodded.

They made their way into the bedroom. Brian turned the bathroom lights on and a small reading light next to the bed. “Get undressed and take a shower.”

“Uh... could you go out while I get undressed?” Justin asked shyly.

“Uhm sure... it isn’t anything I haven’t seen before Justin.” Brian said – he was curious when Justin had developed such modesty.

“I don’t want you to see...” Justin trailed off and focused on a spot on the wall.

“Justin let me see.” Brian coaxed gently.

Justin started to panic; he was terrified that Brian wouldn’t want him anymore once he saw the injuries, “I’m uh...” He stopped.

“Justin listen to me, no matter what,” His eyes motioned down the teen’s body, “It won’t have any impact on how I feel about you.”

“But the last time you saw me naked... I didn’t have the scars...”

“It doesn’t matter. I care about you, not the scars, okay?”

Justin nodded and slowly started to undress, he kept his attention on the wall too afraid to look at Brian. He removed his shirt and tossed it on the floor; he kicked off his shoes and slid his pants and underwear down, then bent down to remove his socks. Brian walked closer to him and ran a hand over his shoulder. Brian didn’t notice much other than a healed scar on the side of the teen’s abdomen.

“Turn around Justin.” Brian commanded gently.

“No.” Justin shook his head.

“It’s okay baby, turn around, I won’t hurt you.” Brian said as he pulled Justin’s face to look into his own.

Justin slowly turned around giving Brian a complete view of his back. Brian stood back and bit his top lip to keep from saying anything. He saw scars and bruises on Justin’s back, buttocks, and the back of his thighs. Most of them looked healed with the exception of some on the back of his legs.

Justin hadn’t moved, “I’m sorry, I know they are ugly... If you... If you don’t want me I’ll understand.”

Brian felt as though he had been punched in the gut when he heard Justin’s quiet whisper. Rather than say anything, he stripped off his own clothes and put an arm around the teen. He maneuvered both of them into the large walk in shower and started the water running.

Both men stood under the downpour in each other’s arms.

“Justin, this doesn’t change anything. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. It’s not just your physical beauty. You have such an amazing personality, you are smart and talented, those marks are nothing.”

Justin looked up into the hazel eyes, and then hugged tighter as he laid his head against Brian’s chest.

***

Brian woke and realized that he was alone in the bed. He looked over at the clock, it was 7:40 – their flight didn’t leave until 1:30.

He got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to relieve himself. He came out and looked around; he saw Justin’s clothes were folded up on a chair but there was no immediate sign of the blond. Brian made his way out into the living room – he saw Justin at the table. The teen’s back was towards Brian, he was wrapped in one of the hotel’s fluffy white robes – Brian quietly moved towards him.

“Hey.” Brian said quietly not wanting to startle the other man.

Justin turned and gave him a smile, “Hey.”

“Breakfast?” Brian asked as he took a seat at the table and saw the selection of food on the table.

Justin gave Brian a sheepish look, “I ordered. I was hungry. I hope that’s okay.”

“Definitely okay, we need to get meat back on your bones!” Brian laughed trying to keep up the light mood that Justin had established; though he sincerely meant it, Justin was much too thin.

Justin pushed the carafe of orange juice and a glass over to Brian, and moved the plate of fruit a little closer, he picked a half strawberry off for himself and then looked back to the paper that he was sketching on.

“What are you working on?” Brian asked as he poured himself some juice.

“Nothing, just drawing.”

“Have you done much drawing the last 7 months?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, a little, Jimmy wasn’t impressed but I guess as long as it didn’t get in the way of him fucking me or renting me out he didn’t really care.” Justin shrugged, not pulling his attention away from the paper.

Brian stared at him and gave a little frown; he shook his head to clear the mental picture he was just given and then looked to see what was on the paper, “What are you drawing?”

Justin glanced up with a bit of an embarrassed look, “Gus.”

Brian gave the teen a big smile, “Really?”

Justin nodded, “I must have drawn Gus a couple hundred times since I last saw him.” He averted his gaze from Brian, “I drew you too, but those made Jimmy mad, and... and... they...”

“Were too painful,” Brian finished for him.

Justin nodded without giving a verbal answer. Brian smiled gently and gave him an understanding nod.

“Have you been up long?” Brian asked as he started to eat his fruit.

“Yeah, a few hours, I had my clothes sent down to the hotel laundry; they brought them back a little while ago.” Justin paused, “Uh... Brian, I charged it to the room and... breakfast too... I can pay; I do have a little cash.”

“No.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

Brian shook his head, “You aren’t, and you never have. Don’t worry about it.”

Justin didn’t seem quite satisfied but he decided to drop it.

“Are you excited to get back?” Brian asked.

“I don’t know.” Justin confessed.

“Why?”

“I am not sure what to expect: where will I live? Where will I work? How will I finish high school? Will I go to college? I just don’t know... there are too many problems... too many uncertainties.”

“Do you want to go back with me?” Brian asked, realizing that he had told Justin the previous day that he was going back regardless of his feelings.

Justin gave Brian another sheepish smile, “Yeah, I want to go back with you Brian, but still...”

“Okay, well that’s a start. You will come back to the loft with me, that’s your home. As for working, I am sure Deb will find a place for you at the diner again if that’s what you want. We’ll get you enrolled in school again or you can get yourself a GED and apply for college, any idea what you want to do?”

Justin heard everything Brian had said but he was focused on the first part, about him moving back into the loft. “Brian?”

“Yeah,” Brian said as he took another drink of orange juice.

“Do you want me to move back into the loft?”

“That is your home Justin. Yes.”

“Are you sure? I mean we seemed to do nothing but argue...” Justin was interrupted.

“Not true, we fucked.” Brian said with a grin.

Justin laughed and gave a huge smile, “True.”

Brian was totally enraptured with the smile, “That’s the first real smile I have seen out of you.” He wasn’t entirely convinced but he thought that he saw a hint of his Justin starting to return.

Justin became slightly self-conscience and glanced away from Brian, but a slight smile remained on his lips. “I haven’t had much to smile about.”

“I know, but that isn’t the case any longer.”

Justin became serious, “Brian?”

“Huh?”

“Uhm... don’t get mad at me please, but I need to know...”

“What?” Brian was irritated that Justin seemed afraid of him, always afraid that he would be angry with him about something, but he realized it was probably a self defense mechanism – one that he needed around Jimmy.

“Uh... well, I wanted to know...”

“Justin, I am not Jimmy, you don’t need to be afraid of me, I’ll never hurt you like he did, never.” Brian reached across the table and gave the teen a pat on the hand.

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that Brian, I know that.”

“Okay, well, then ask me.” Brian said with a smile.

Justin’s voice dropped to a whisper, “Did you care about me?” He looked to Brian for the answer.

“Yes, very much. I still do Justin.”

“When we get home are things going to go back to the way they were... with us I mean?” Justin asked hopefully.

“No.” Brian answered honestly.

Justin’s shoulders slumped, “Oh.”

Brian realized that Justin had misinterpreted the answer. He reached across and patted the blond’s hand again. “I told you Justin, I have been a total shit to you. I am not going to let that happen again. I can’t promise I won’t be with other men, but I won’t throw them in your face like I have done in the past, and I won’t bring them to the loft. It is your home too and that isn’t fair. The loft and the bedroom are for you and me, no one else.”

Justin nodded, “No more Hotlantas?”

Brian laughed, “No, that was cruel of me, I won’t do that again.”

“What time is the flight?” Justin asked as he downed the last of his juice.

“1:30 – We better start getting ready.”

“Okay, I am going to go shower and get dressed.” Justin said as he stood up and collected the drawing of Gus.

“Do we need to stop at Jimmy’s and get your stuff?”

Justin paused for a moment and shook his head, “I don’t have anything there. I don’t want the drawings; I’ll have the real thing, that’s more important.”

XXXXX

They were at JFK by 12:30 and patiently waited through check-in and security. A short time later, they found themselves aboard the aircraft waiting while the rest of the plane was loaded.

“Okay?” Brian asked.

“Uh, yeah... I just get nervous flying.”

“I’m here with you.”

Justin turned and smiled.

“Brian, did you let anyone know that you found me?” Justin asked.

“No.” Brian said with a slight shake of his head.

“Why?”

“Well,” Brian sighed, “I didn’t know how you would feel about that. It is your decision. I didn’t know if you would want to be back in Pittsburgh and settled into the loft before letting anyone know. You are going to get bombarded by a dozen people with as many questions as I had, so you need to decide when the time is right.”

Justin nodded and smiled, “Okay, thanks.”

Brian felt relief that he had made the right choice about not letting anyone know. Ten minutes later the plane was in the air headed west towards Pittsburgh. Brian and Justin were heading back to their lives... together.


	2. Domus

**Brian:**

Things were great once he got back. And I mean that, I’m not being a sarcastic shit. We settled into the loft for a few days, getting to know one another again. Every minute we talked it was like the real Justin was coming back… but, this time he was stronger.

The day we got back I pulled out a small cardboard box that had been stuffed in the corner. After he left… no, after I threw him out, I collected a few items he’d left behind. A few t-shirts a sketchpad, a toothbrush… I was going to throw them out, down the garbage chute, but I couldn’t. And the fact that I couldn’t, and didn’t know why scared the fucking shit out of me. So, I threw everything in a box and stuck it out of the way.

When he opened that box and looked at me, there was total disbelief. He too expected I would’ve thrown the stuff out. He picked up the sketchbook, flipped through it, and glanced up at me with total and absolute adoration. He said, “I knew you cared, I’d…I’d just forgotten for a while.”

I turned away and went into the bathroom. I couldn’t face him at that moment. Knowing what he went through while in New York is bad enough. Knowing he went through it because I was an uncaring asshole, well that… that’s incalculable. But… maybe at this point there shouldn’t be any culpability, no, I know it sounds like I’m trying to get out of my share of the blame, I’m not. I… I just think we need to move on.

Finally he knew he had to confront the family and see them. Debbie had invited everyone over for dinner that Thursday night anyhow, so we thought it would be just to get it out of the way there; one big fucking firework instead of a dozen little ones.

I walked in first, everyone else was already sitting; Jennifer was there too. She and Debbie became practically inseparable after Justin disappeared. I think it was good for them both, being there for each other.

At any rate, I walked in and saw them at the table; they barely glanced at me, knowing how I love to make an entrance. I walked up to the table and waited until I had their attention. They knew something was up right away. They might not be the brightest bulbs on the tree but they’re not morons either.

Debbie looked at me, her eyes boring into mine. She knew what it was about – who it was about, before I even opened my mouth. She stood up and took a step towards me. “Sunshine?” She asked; the waterworks already started.

I didn’t know what to say so I looked back to the door. He was leaning his head against the screen peering in at our motley family.

To be honest, there is very little I remember about that night. There was screaming, yelling, laughing, crying, the whole myriad of emotions. But the one thing that’ll stick out to me for the rest of my years was the look on Vic’s face. Vic was happy to see Justin back, but he also seemed glad that the brat had a chance to experience life on his own; even though that experiment ended in absolute disaster. Vic respected Justin. Respect. That isn’t something easy to come by in this world but that fucking little eighteen year old kid has more than most adults twice his age. He really is amazing.

After untold hours on the emotional rollercoaster, with Justin describing in detail his life in New York, I could tell that he was emotionally empty. I was afraid that the progress he’d made over the past few days would disintegrate before my eyes.

With only a few protests, I ushered him out the door and back to the loft. He was relaxed. So fucking serene, sitting there in silence on the way home. The hint of a smile gracing his lips magnifies his beauty a hundred fold. God, he’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.

We got back to the loft and before I knew it he was grabbing at me, shoving his tongue in my mouth, pawing at me, ripping clothes from my body. If I had any doubts that he was having troubles readjusting he just squashed them.

We fucked most of the night… no, that isn’t true; it was something more than fucking. Maybe that shit about making love would apply here. We almost seemed able to read each others thoughts, desires, wants, and fears. It was terrifying… in a good way.

I remember laying there in bed watching him sleep. He was so peaceful looking, at that moment I knew no matter what happened in life that this was where we belonged; together. This was my Justin… is my Justin.

**Justin:**

I’m back. I can’t believe it. Honestly I never expected to see Pittsburgh or my family again. I’d resigned myself to the fact that Jimmy would eventually go too far during on of our “sessions” and I just… I don’t know, wouldn’t wake up I guess.

Brian is amazing. After everything I put him through he was so supportive. That night in New York, well, I don’t remember a lot of it, but he was there. He was a rock… my rock. Has been since I’ve known him, granted that hasn’t been very long, but it’s true.

Seeing the family was a little overwhelming. Debbie was the first to reach me, and I swear to god I thought I’d die right there. She was squeezing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Then my mother got a hold of me; well, she put Debbie to shame. I’m sure to have bruises from that encounter. It was great seeing everyone, even Michael… fucking Michael, he’s really not a bad guy; he just needs to do a little emotional growing up… about two hundred years worth.

Of everyone though, I was most excited to see Gus… kinda weird I guess, but… I don’t know… I feel he and I have some bond, some connection. I know it’s silly, he was too young when I left and he’s still so young now; I’m sure he doesn’t have a clue who I am.

My mother was angry; she yelled, I know, no surprise there. She wanted me to move back into the house. I told her flat out that wouldn’t be happening. She begged and pleaded but Brian came to my defense… he always does. Finally that was straightened out though to be honest I tuned most of the talking out after a while. I just sat there staring at everyone, glad to be back.

A while later Brian gave me a look; he was concerned about me overdoing it, I could tell. We said our goodbyes and left. I sat in the car grinning like an idiot. I felt so damn good! I was away from Jimmy, Brian wasn’t angry with me, the family seemed to be doing well, everyone, especially Vic, he looked really healthy. 

When we got back to the loft I knew it was time. Brian had been so… sweet… no, no, better not use that word for describing Brian, he’d get pissed… but he was so gentle. So, caring… the only time I’d ever seen him like that was when he was with Gus. He’d put absolutely no pressure on me as far as sex went. I wonder if he’ll ever know how much that means to me. For a while there, before going to New York, I was starting to believe that maybe I was just a fuck toy. Just a fuck, nothing more, but I know better now. Brian could have used this situation to his advantage a hundred times by now and hasn’t. His only concern has been… well… me.

In any case, when we got back to the loft the only thing I wanted was to feel his cock slide in my ass. I jumped on him, assaulted him and he didn’t disappoint. It’s so different being with him. He’s not just out for his gratification or satisfaction; he makes it a good experience for me too. And I love him for that.

I know I’m just a starry eyed kid; but there is something between us. Love? Maybe. Or maybe that’s further down the road after we’ve both had a chance to mature. But whatever we have, I feel… right, when I’m with him. It might take him a while to figure out all the details; that’s fine. I won’t rush him. I’ll be here beside him and when he’s ready we’ll take that step together.


End file.
